12:00 AM Thoughts: God-Sized Dreams and God-Sized Prayers

It is 12:02 AM and I know for a fact that I should be conked out on my leafy-printed pillow. 5 AM is calling my name and I am going to sleep right through it if I stay up any longer! But here I am, once again, awakened by the heart and thoughts of my Savior. My mind is filled with weighted thoughts and sorrowful prayers and I pray that your heart is feeling those, too.

It was my 6th grade year when I heard my pastor pray one of the strongest, boldest, and rawest prayers I have ever heard, "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours." I always have heard songs with those lyrics, but I never heard it before as a desperate plea of a weary heart. I was floored and it was the most beautiful moment. 

I remember the rawness of that prayer so vividly in my heart and ever since, I have made the choice to pray that simple prayer each day. There are no words to describe how much sorrow and compassion that simple prayer has brought into my life since I began praying that prayer several years ago. Imagine how brokenhearted God is for our nation right now. Imagine how brokenhearted we are right now, too, because of it. Hatred is at every corner just lurking to devour us. Oh God, we crave for you to consume us. By His grace and faithfulness, my eyes have been opened to a whole new world of brokenness and I have found a fiery compassion in my heart for the reconciliation of it. It was God who I found in the middle of the sorrow and there is no other heart more beautiful than His. So deep. So compassionate. So strong.

I challenge you to start praying that bold prayer daily as well. I pray that through this courageous and trusting prayer, God opens your eyes to a world that so desperately needs a healing Savior in a whole new way. There is power in your prayers no matter how afraid you are to even let the words fall from your mouth. I am afraid each day to pray those words of boldness because God takes those words by their horns and runs full-throttle with them. Sweet friend, do not let the gravity of your words through prayer take away your courage to say them to the Almighty.

We need a reminder that it is an all-powerful God who has promised us a life of fruitfulness after the pruning of our leaves, and that He hears even the most silent, tear-filled courageous prayers of our hearts. In our world today, hope is a strong rebellion. Our prayers for reconciliation and to see His goodness in our labyrinth of worry are ever-so-present right now. The promise still stands that when we sit in shame for the brokenness of our nation, He may not heal our land, but He will fill our pots with the Living Water. The promise still stands in the midst of poverty and death... no matter how hard it is to see. Sit in that brokenness and choose to see the healing of our Savior. 

Sweet friend, this uproar is a call to be proactive. Don't shrink down in your seat in fear, but allow Jesus to give you the courage you need to speak life into the hearts of a broken world. This is a call to bring us to our knees and plea in our raw and weary voices, "Oh Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours."

This is a battle that is not ours to fight alone, but a battle that must be fought on our scraped knees at the foot of the cross, just begging our King for reconciliation.

I am learning slowly that it is okay to be a mess in front of Him. He doesn't care if our thoughts are halfway across the world or so knotted that we can't even come up with the words to say. He doesn't care if we sit quietly and listen, soaking in all the strength He offers in that very moment. It is okay to cry and yell for justice because justice is at the center of His heart, too. He fights for those who cannot fight for themselves and calls us, as His children, to do the same. Wow. That is a calling in itself.

It is okay to come to Him with sky-high dreams because He isn't afraid of those words. In fact, I believe He is honored because there is nothing that our God loves more than to deliver us and to take us on dangerous adventures with Him. Maybe those sky-high dreams don't make sense to your family or friends. I have experienced this first-hand. Keep holding on to these precious dreams of yours.

I believe it is God's plan for me to serve Him on the front lines in the heart of poverty and plant my roots there with Stephen. I want to be a missionary and work with those who have faced the most traumatic and heartbreaking lives and hold and treasure them like they are my own. I want to plant a school, one day, that gives a rich and in-depth education to the little ones who cannot fight and provide for themselves. I want to document those moments as a journalist and eventually have a series of books specifically focused on what God has done on the mission field through our ministry there. Not about Stephen and I, but about our God. I have those God-sized dreams, too. I understand. I am scared and even slightly embarrassed to even say them, too. This is the first time I have ever laid it all out for you and to be honest, to some, none of it will make sense because who wants to leave a life of comfortability for cold showers and skin-diseased children? Not many. It doesn't seem to make sense, does it?

If you walk away with anything from this blog post, walk away with knowing that our bold prayers and dreams are only a mustard seed in the eyes of our Creator. He is ready for you to speak them. He is ready to take you on the adventure of a lifetime.

We always ask God where He is in our greatest time of need and the question we should be asking is, "Where are we in our greatest time of need?" Are we sitting at the foot of the cross coming to Him with bold prayers for our own lives and for healing for our nation? Or are we simply praying just for our meals? Are we investing in fellowship with other believers or are we choosing to stay home alone? 

My sweet friend, this is not the time to grow weary, though I know we feel exhausted. This is the time that we need to love more fiercely than we ever have before. Our world needs more love and strength than it ever has in the past. God is not moved or shaken by the rawness of our world. He is not surprised by the condition of our hearts. He is brokenhearted for us. Can't you see? It is Him who goes before us and paves the way for healing and it is Him who buries us in songs of deliverance. This is our time. Say those heavy words to Him!

One day, we will look straight into the eyes of Jesus and finally understand why God sent us into the world. When it all boils down, we will realize that all the riches and bling of this world was nothing compared to the joy of loving and serving Jesus fearlessly. When it all comes crashing down, will you remember your Creator? Will you boldly pray on your knees for our nation and for your own God-sized dreams? We so desperately need healing.  

​Oh Lord, break our hearts for what breaks yours.